


A Recipe For Disaster

by Sekiei



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9299255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sekiei/pseuds/Sekiei
Summary: Ignis gave Noctis the ‘Complete guide to Lucis’ edible fish’ as a present for his coronation. By the end of the night, they were both drunk and the bet was on.





	

I don't usually do drabbles, but this happened and well... it was too silly not to share. Yes, I haven't been sleeping much. No, I'm not sorry.  
I have no idea what kind of weird AU this is happening in. Also some of the fish in there might not be edible in canon... but oh well...

 

 

*

 

Ignis gave Noctis the ‘Complete guide to Lucis’ edible fish’ as a present for his coronation. By the end of the night, they were both drunk and the bet was on. 

The premise was simple: Noctis would catch a specimen of each of the fish and Ignis would come up with a unique recipe to cook each and everyone of them. If Ignis failed to stay original, he would never mention his sex life in front of Noctis every again. If he succeeded, the King would never complain about paperwork for as long as he reigned. 

Prompto enthusiastically offered to make a scrapbook out of the contest. Gladiolus was passed out and by the time he woke up, he was too hungover to care either way. The book had 458 pages, one for each fish. 

Noctis had never needed an excuse to go fishing.

 

  * p.1 



Albaster Sea Bass  
Ignis grilled it with a wedge of lemon. He was taking no chances, saving creativity for later. 

 

  * p.4



Alstor Bass  
_Al cartoccio,_ dill and cream.

 

  * p.24



Cloudy Lucian Carp  
Loaded tacos. Ignis was grinning at how easy this was. Noctis was buying his time. 

 

  * p.128 



Whatever its name was, it was the seventeenth trout variant Noctis had brought back. Ignis was sweating.  
But only until Gladiolus strolled in the kitchen with some Kettier Ginger he got during a trip to Ravatogh. 

‘Traitor,’ Noctis accused. ‘You’re supposed to be my Shield.’  
‘You give him a job, I let him have sex with all of this,’ Ignis had retorted with a wide encompassing gesture over the whole of his person. ‘You can’t win.’ 

Noctis groaned. 

‘I don’t want to hear about it! Still, Gladio... Loyalty used to mean something to you.’  
‘Sorry, mate. I love you and all that. But Iggy makes a good point, and I plan to take advantage of it for a long time.’ 

Gladiolus didn’t even have the decency to pretend he wasn’t undressing Ignis with his eyes. 

 

  * p.275



Mighty Barramundi.  
_Al cartoccio,_ cream. 

Noctis cheered when he opened the foil, he’d seen this before. This time, he got him. Then, the smell reached him. Not cream, coconut milk. And vanilla. 

The King was pretty sure moonwalking out of a room wasn’t an etiquette-approved way to retire from his presence. It didn’t stop Ignis. 

 

  * p.392



Regal Arapaima  
Slow-cooked stew in its vegetable medley.

  
Noctis glared at the carrot he had stabbed, then at Ignis. 

‘You sick sadistic bastard.’   
‘Gladio doesn’t seem to mind.’   
‘I don’t want to hear about it!’ 

Ignis’ laughter was somehow worse than his indiscretions. 

 

  * p.458 



Wennath Dace   
Sashimi with ginger and chilli mayonnaise. 

Noctis thought Ignis was trying to poison him rather than lose the bet. But the Accordo ambassador confirmed it was a legitimate way to eat fish. 

Not for long, Noctis thought. Lucis was going to get some very specific laws dictating exactly how much torture food could be submitted to. 

Regardless, Ignis had won. His victory speech boiled down to telling Noctis all the ways in which he was going to celebrate, most of which involved excruciating details regarding Gladiolus’ performance and abilities in bed. Noctis would have rather skewered his brain with a hot poker than listen to it all, but he was given little choice in the matter. 

Thankfully, he found out against his will that a horny Ignis wasn’t particularly patient. He was eventually left to stew in his own misery with a parting greeting of ‘enjoy your paperwork’. 

His peace and quiet didn’t last, however. A few hours later Gladiolus walked in his office with a satisfied grin. Noctis paled. 

‘Not you too.’  
‘You’re in trouble, Your Majesty.’  
‘I don’t want to hear it.’  
‘Then I won’t say anything. But you know you’re going to slip up and complain and the paperwork will get the better of you sooner and later. You’ll complain and then Iggy will hang you out to dry. It’s going to be brutal.’ 

Gladiolus was right. Noctis had a life of suffering stretching in front of him. 

‘I’ll make you a deal.’  
‘A deal?’  
‘A month vacation for Ignis and I. With pay. We get to go wherever we want and do whatever we want. No emergency is big enough to drag us back. You hold your end of the bargain, I’ll get him to rescind that paperwork rule.’  
‘You think you can do that?’   
‘I thought you didn’t want details.’  
‘I don’t. Shut up. Don’t say a word.’  
‘Fine. But yes, I can do that. Although...’  
‘Although?’  
‘I’ll stand a better chance if you throw in a toy budget.’ 

 

*

 

Noctis felt thoroughly defeated as he stared at the receipt for an exceptional royal treasury bond he’d been left with. He had to fill in a justification before sending it to the treasurer. ‘Blackmail’ would raise too many eyebrows so he went with the more politically correct: 

‘For the good of the Crown.’

He could only hope for his own sake that Gladiolus would succeed. 

And he was never eating fish ever again.


End file.
